The Five Golden Rules of Goal Setting

Setting goals allows you to choose how you want to move through life. Some achievements can take a lifetime to attain, while others can be completed in the course of a day. Setting and meeting goals leads to feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment.

The following  practical tips on goal setting can help make it easier to set and reach goals

1. Set Goals that Motivate You

When you set goals for yourself, it is important that they motivate you: this means making sure that they are important to you, and that there is value in achieving them. If you have little interest in the outcome, or they are irrelevant given the larger picture, then the chances of you putting in the work to make them happen are slim. Motivation is key to achieving goals.

Set goals that relate to the high priorities in your life. Without this type of focus, you can end up with far too many goals, leaving you too little time to devote to each one. Goal achievement requires commitment, so to maximize the likelihood of success, you need to feel a sense of urgency and have an "I must do this" attitude. When you don't have this, you risk putting off what you need to do to make the goal a reality. This in turn leaves you feeling disappointed and frustrated with yourself, both of which are de-motivating. And you can end up in a very destructive "I can't do anything or be successful at anything" frame of mind.

Tip:

To make sure your goal is motivating, write down why it's valuable and important to you. Ask yourself, "If I were to share my goal with others, what would I tell them to convince them it was a worthwhile goal?" You can use this motivating value statement to help you if you start to doubt yourself or lose confidence in your ability to actually make the goal happen.

2. Set SMART Goals

You have probably heard of "SMART goals" already. But do you always apply the rule? The simple fact is that for goals to be powerful, they should be designed to be SMART. There are many variations of what SMART stands for, but the essence is this – goals should be:

• Specific.
• Measurable.
• Attainable.
• Relevant.
• Time Bound.

Set Specific Goals

Your goal must be clear and well defined. Vague or generalized goals are unhelpful because they don't provide sufficient direction. Remember, you need goals to show you the way. Make it as easy as you can to get where you want to go by defining precisely where you want to end up.

Set Measurable Goals

Include precise amounts, dates, and so on in your goals so you can measure your degree of success. If your goal is simply defined as "To reduce expenses" how will you know when you have been successful? In one month's time if you have a 1 percent reduction or in two years' time when you have a 10 percent reduction? Without a way to measure your success you miss out on the celebration that comes with knowing you have actually achieved something.

Set Attainable Goals

Make sure that it's possible to achieve the goals you set. If you set a goal that you have no hope of achieving, you will only demoralize yourself and erode your confidence.

However, resist the urge to set goals that are too easy. Accomplishing a goal that you didn't have to work hard for can be anticlimactic at best, and can also make you fear setting future goals that carry a risk of non-achievement. By setting realistic yet challenging goals, you hit the balance you need. These are the types of goals that require you to "raise the bar" and they bring the greatest personal satisfaction.

Set Relevant Goals

Goals should be relevant to the direction you want your life and career to take. By keeping goals aligned with this, you'll develop the focus you need to get ahead and do what you want. Set widely scattered and inconsistent goals, and you'll fritter your time – and your life – away.

Set Time-Bound Goals

You goals must have a deadline. Again, this means that you know when you can celebrate success. When you are working on a deadline, your sense of urgency increases and achievement will come that much quicker.

3. Set Goals in Writing

The physical act of writing down a goal makes it real and tangible. You have no excuse for forgetting about it. As you write, use the word "will" instead of "would like to" or "might." For example, "I will reduce my operating expenses by 10 percent this year," not "I would like to reduce my operating expenses by 10 percent this year." The first goal statement has power and you can "see" yourself reducing expenses, the second lacks passion and gives you an excuse if you get sidetracked.

Tip 1:

Frame your goal statement positively. If you want to improve your retention rates say, "I will hold on to all existing employees for the next quarter" rather than "I will reduce employee turnover." The first one is motivating; the second one still has a get-out clause "allowing" you to succeed even if some employees leave.

Tip 2:

If you use a To-Do List  , make yourself a To-Do List template that has your goals at the top of it. If you use an Action Program  , then your goals should be at the top of your Project Catalog.

Post your goals in visible places to remind yourself every day of what it is you intend to do. Put them on your walls, desk, computer monitor, bathroom mirror or refrigerator as a constant reminder.

4. Make an Action Plan

This step is often missed in the process of goal setting. You get so focused on the outcome that you forget to plan all of the steps that are needed along the way. By writing out the individual steps, and then crossing each one off as you complete it, you'll realize that you are making progress towards your ultimate goal. This is especially important if your goal is big and demanding, or long-term. Read our article on Action Plans   for more on how to do this.

5. Stick With It!

Remember, goal setting is an ongoing activity not just a means to an end. Build in reminders to keep yourself on track, and make regular time-slots available to review your goals. Your end destination may remain quite similar over the long term, but the action plan you set for yourself along the way can change significantly. Make sure the relevance, value, and necessity remain high.

Key Points

Goal setting is much more than simply saying you want something to happen. Unless you clearly define exactly what you want and understand why you want it the first place, your odds of success are considerably reduced. 

By following the above Five Golden Rules of Goal Setting you can set goals with confidence and enjoy the satisfaction that comes along with knowing you achieved what you set out to do.

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How to Start a Conversation with New People

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I THANK ALL THE READERS OF MY BLOG
FOR THEIR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENTS
BY GIVING  THEIR NICE COMMENTS IN MY POSTS

Whether you are a host or a guest, there are many social situations that will call for interaction, even when you are stumped for some way to get it going. For example, you might want to help a friend’s new “significant other” feel comfortable. Or, you might see a stranger across a crowded room, and realize that this is your only chance to impress Mr. or Ms. Wonderful. Then, you realize that you’re not sure what to say.

1. Start with a “hello,” and simply tell the new person your name then ask them theirs. Offer your hand to shake, upon his/her responding to you. (If you go to other countries, greet the person in tune with the particular culture). If you already know the person, skip this step and proceed to step.
2. Look around. See if there is anything worth pointing out. Sure, talking about the weather is a cliche, but if there’s something unusual about it–bam!–you’ve got a great topic of conversation.
3. Offer a compliment. Don’t lie and say you love someone’s hair when you think it’s revolting, but if you like his or her shoes, or a handbag, say so. A sincere compliment is a wonderful way to get someone to warm up to you. But be careful not to say something so personal that you scare the person off or make him or her feel uncomfortable. It is best not to compliment a person’s looks or body.
4. Ask questions! Most people love to talk about themselves — get them going. “What classes are you taking this year?” “Have you seen (Insert-Something-Here)? What did you think of it?” Again, keep the questions light and not invasive. Do not ask too many questions if he or she is not responsive to them.
5. Jump on any conversation-starters he or she might offer; take something he or she has said and run with it. Agree, disagree, ask a question about it, or offer an opinion, just don’t let it go by without notice.
6. Look your newfound friend in the eye, it engenders trust (but don’t stare). Also, use the person’s name a time or two during the conversation; it will help you remember the name, and will draw the person’s attention to what you are talking about.
7. Don’t forget to smile and have fun with your conversation!

Tips

• Just relax. Chances are that whatever small-talk you’re making isn’t going to stick out in anyone’s mind a few months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as it’s not offensive or really weird. (Unless, of course, the person you’re attempting to converse with is into weird stuff.)
• Remember, if you think of something in your head while you’re talking, it’s probably related.
• It will help if you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot — newspapers, magazines, and/or books. You need to have some idea of what is going on in the world. Also remember and plan to share anything you like, think is funny, or find intriguing. This is building up your own library of things that might be helpful to another person during a conversation someday. It will be amazing how you thread these interesting things when you least expect it, and make conversation an adventure instead of a dreadful task. If you take it to the next step and say things that you want the person to think of as adding value, and keep to yourself things that the person might not, you are actually honing your own personality to be appealing to the other person, and what is a greater act of kindness than that.
• If you are shy, it will be helpful to have thought about a topic or two that you could talk about.
• Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you have been going on for too long.
• Interesting and funny quotes or facts can lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about. You could also use a set of conversation starter question cards for inspiration.
• If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the conversation at all costs. If you can’t come up with a good topic, try the “questions” game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that do not require a yes or no answer. For example “How do you know the hosts?” This way you can ask questions about what they just said or follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as if the conversation is an interrogation.
• Half of an effective conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are friendly and confident.
• Read newspapers and magazines to increase your knowledge so you can have more interesting things to talk about

u may visit   http://public-speaking.in/guide/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-new-people/

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Malvika Iyer's amazing story of grit

Malvika Iyer , the essence of courage and optimism.

The incidents in the life  of Malvika Iyer is a real life story of a young girl with determination to come up in her life .Her  inspirational and motivational life story is guiding beacon to thousands of handicapped persons like her.

A bilateral amputee from a freak bomb blast in 2002, Malvika Iyer is :

• A Junior Research Fellow at Madras School of Social Work.
• Global Shaper (An initiative of the World Economic Forum)
• Speaker at TEDxYouth@Chennai 2013, MMA Women Managers' Convention 2014
• Master of Ceremonies (MC) at India Inclusion Summit, 2013 at Ritz Carlton, Bangalore, GFK Run 2014
• State topper in class 10th in 2004
• Invited to meet with Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam in Rashtrapati Bhavan
• Recipient of 'Outstanding Model Student' from Wisdom International Magazine
• Recipient of 'Rolling Cup' for the 'Best M.Phil. Thesis' in 2012
• Awarded certificates, cash prizes and medals for meritorious performance by Sri Sivakumar Educational & Charitable Trust, the DMK President- M. Karunanidhi, the Congress President Mrs. Sonia Gandhi, Rajya Sabha MP- Mrs. Renuka Chowdhury, the Chief Minister of Kerala- Mr. Oommen Chandy, Astrologer- SAP Varadhan, the Chairman and Director of Art Heritage Gallery- Mr. E. Alkazi, Rotary Club, Punjab Association
• Worked with differently abled children at the Centre for Child and Adolescent Well Being, Delhi
• Undertook research projects in PEHEL, Schizophrenia Research Foundation (SCRAF)
• Model for accessible clothing in India (An initiative of Ability Foundation- NIFT)
• Alumnus of St. Stephen's College, Delhi and Delhi School of Social Work

When Malvika was 13 years old, a freak accident caused her to lose both her hands and severely damaged her legs, raising serious doubts about whether she would ever walk again.

But young Malvika braved the odds and emerged victorious. Today she is a dedicated social worker, a motivational speaker and model for accessible clothing in India.

Malvika is also a Global Shaper from the Chennai Hub, which is a part of the Global Shapers Community, an initiative of the World Economic Forum.

She gives a first person account of her ordeal and how she overcame it to            S Saraswathi.

Let us hear Malvika Iyer in her own words:

I was born in Kumbakonam. My father was transferred to Rajasthan when I was still very young. I spent nearly 13 years of my early life in Bikaner, Rajasthan.

I had a very healthy and a happy childhood. I was a tomboy; I enjoyed outdoor sports and learnt swimming and skating. I also learnt Kathak for about seven years.

It was a fun-filled life till the day I met with the accident: May 26, 2002. I was 13 years old.

The accident:

Some months before the accident, an ammunition depot had caught fire in the city and hand shells, grenades and other bits and pieces were scattered all over the city. One such piece landed in our neighbourhood.

We were told that it was a diffused shell. I was trying to stick something on my jeans pocket, and I wanted something heavy to hammer it with. I just took this shell and hit it.

With the first hit, the shell exploded in my hand.

There was almost nothing left of my hands. Both my legs had severe injuries, nerve damage and multiple fractures.

It took nearly two years and several surgeries for me to walk again.

Bedridden for two years:

For the first three days after the explosion, I was totally conscious, aware of each and every thing happening around me, but my body was numb.

Within moments of the explosion I heard my mom screaming, "Meri bachhi ke haath chale gaye!"

I was taken to the hospital immediately. There was so much damage to my limbs that my body went into a state of shock. I could not feel anything as the four main nerves were instantly cut. There was 80 per cent blood loss.

When I reached the hospital there was zero BP, the doctors were not sure if I would survive.

Even in that state I remember apologising to my mom, telling her that I am sorry I put her through this. Then I said I wanted to meet this friend of mine. It was so strange. I gave the contact number of my friend and told my parents to call her. I was terrified; would this really be the last time I was going to see these people?

The doctors were not sure that they would be able to save my leg, especially the left one. It was dangling, just hanging from a small bit of skin. They wanted to amputate it, but my parents did not want to risk any more damage. They took me in an ambulance to Jaipur.

The splinters were stuck all over my legs and had penetrated deep within. The pain began to sink in and it was terrible. I can remember those days and nights filled with pain.

But the doctors were good and managed to save my leg. Though completely disfigured, with no sensation in my left leg and a foot drop (difficulty in lifting the front part of the foot) in the right, I am lucky I still have them.

My hands, though, were completely cut off. There was no need to amputate them because they had been blown off; they couldn't even find any trace of them at the accident site.

Later a skin grafting operation was done and with that I am left with just two stumps. Fortunately, the stumps, especially the right one, were quite long, so I was able to lift them like how a squirrel does.

I was treated at a Bone and Joint clinic in Anna Nagar in Chennai. After months of intense therapy, I was finally able to walk.

My accident happened in May 2002. I took my first few painful steps in November 2003.I still had a long way to go.

Getting on with life:

We started enquiring about artificial hands. There was not much awareness about this, so my mom and I used to Google. We found a German prosthetics company called Ottobock that had a branch in Chennai.

That is how I got a pair of bio-electric hands.

I started practising to write; initially my handwriting was very big, and then slowly, with practise, I improved.

This was in December 2003. In four months my friends would be appearing for their 10th board exams. I felt totally left out.

I was in touch with a very close friend in Bikaner. She used to tell me how they were preparing. I decided that I would give it a shot. My mom found this coaching centre right behind our street.

I had just three months to prepare. All my childhood, I have been into sports and dancing and skating, and now I could do nothing but sit and walk a bit. As I had no other choice, I think all my concentration went into academics.

I prepared and prepared and when the results came, my life was completely changed.

I got a State rank among the private candidates, and I was one among the State toppers, as well. I scored centum in both Math and Science and 97 in Hindi, also a State first.

I felt like a celebrity. The next day, all the leading newspapers covered me.

They wrote about how I overcame my disability to achieve this distinction. It was all very encouraging.

I was invited to Rashtrapati Bhavan to meet Dr APJ Abdul Kalam (then President of India).

  Malvika Iyer with former Indian President Dr APJ Abdul Kalam

I got to meet a lot of other celebrities. I was given an award for outstanding model student by Wisdom magazine.

After 12th, I joined St Stephen's College, Delhi, where I graduated in Economics (Honours).

I then did my Master's in Social Work from the Delhi School of Social Work.

During my field training, I had the opportunity to work with differently-abled children. I realised that this is something I have to be a part of. I could empathise with them and understand them better. Since I was always given a lot of encouragement, I wanted to give something back.

A new beginning

Last year, I was invited for a TEDx Talk(In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. ) and that talk completely changed the course of my life.

Until then I was just doing my work and trying to be a part of society. But that wasn't helping me much and I would still feel bad that everybody else is normal and I am not.

But when I started talking about myself, I realised that I was actually much better off than a lot of people, who would complain even without any problem in their life.

I was seen as a motivational speaker. Now I get invited to talk at colleges and schools or to corporates in Chennai and other cities.

Last year, I was invited to host the India Inclusion Summit in Bangalore. I was the emcee and had the opportunity to meet a lot of differently-abled people.

Malvika speaking at India Inclusion Summit

There were people who had actually achieved something or who were in the process of recovering and coming out of it. It was a great honour to be able to host such a programme.

This helped me realise that I have to accept my disability. It is not like I am ever going to get my hands back.

The people around me made this possible -- my friends, my family, and my mom especially. She was my support throughout. She was like my shadow. She made sure that nobody hurt me in any way. It is her positive spirit that has made me who I am today.

She has given me a lot of freedom; she never treated me differently at all. There was never any show of pity.

Presently, I am Junior Research Fellow doing my PhD in Social Work at the Madras School of Social Work. I am studying the experience of inclusion; how differently-abled people feel in society and what is society's attitude towards them.

Initially, I used to feel bad when people stared at me. It made me very uncomfortable, but now it does not matter. I know who I am. I have become more strong-hearted, what they feel or how they see me does not affect me any more.

Apart from this, I have been passionately working on everything outside. Recently I did a ramp walk at NIFT (National Institute of Fashion Technology), Chennai.

I am a model for accessible clothing(Clothing designed for persons with disabilities, to allow more independence in dressing. Its use is intended for those who have difficulty dressing, as well as for those with special clothing needs.); it is an initiative of Ability Foundation and NIFT.

Malvika Iyer on the ramp at NIFT

The students designed two gowns for me, taking into considering my prosthetic hand. I was the showstopper for that evening and it was an amazing experience. Ever since then I have been writing about accessible clothing.

When I was in the hospital bed 12 years ago, I thought that I could never come out of this. Now I can see that there is so much more to do. I think life is really, really good.

I was invited to host a Run in Bangalore recently.

Malvika hosting the GFKRun 2014 at Bangalore 

I went all by myself. I handled everything, from the airport, all the travelling, the stay in the hotel, etc. Today I can do 90 per cent of my work on my own, without any assistance.

When I think about how my life has turned out to be, I think it is fine, whatever happened.

I would not have wanted to live a mediocre life. I have always been scared of mediocrity and I am not sure how my life would have turned out if it were not for this accident.

I feel I am blessed because I know that something very horrible happened and even now it is not like I am 100 per cent all right. I can't just run around and do everything on my own. My legs still hurt when I walk.

But a lot of good has come my way.

I am confident I can do something meaningful with this life. I don't have any regrets.

Dancing was my first love. I used to be sad that I could not dance like before. But now I have started dancing again. I cannot dance as gracefully as before, but I still dance.

At the Bangalore Run, I danced on the stage. I think life is all about making the best with what you have.

I got engaged in February this year to a wonderful man, a design engineer, and there is a lot to look forward to in life rather than just sitting around thinking of what could have been.

"I learnt to embrace every inch, every scar and every emotion."

Source:http://www.rediff.com/getahead/report/achievers-malvika-iyers-amazing-story-of-grit/20140917.htm

http://about.me/malvika.iyer

Note: I thank Ms.Malvika Iyer for giving permission to post this heart touching and inspiring article about her in my blog.

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Steps for Dealing With Negativity

You may be in daily interaction with negative people, be they friends, family members, a romantic partner or colleague. You love them, you care about them, you can't just cut them out of your life, but they are negative and their negativity is eating away at you. What can you do?

The best way of dealing with life's challenges is to take a good look at ourselves and take responsibility for what we think, feel and do.

Never give your power away by blaming others for what you have or don't have, what you feel or don't feel. Once you do so, you'll become a victim of circumstance, and instead of using your time and energy to beat life's challenges, you'll sink to a dark and miserable place. 

Here are 9 smart, positive and effective ways of dealing with the negativity of the people close to you:

1. Give up the need to complain.

Make sure you are taking responsibility for your feelings and mood. Don't go complaining that other people's negativity is affecting you, because it will only create more negativity. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and see what you can do to make yourselves feel better and change the existing situation.

"Whoever has limited knowledge of human nature and seeks happiness by changing everything but his own attitude, will waste his life in futile efforts."Samuel Johnson. 

2. Similarity Attracts

Good brings about good, bad brings about bad, and if we want to or not, we pull into our lives events, situations and people that reflect our internal state. Ask yourselves: "How am I feeling? Am I happy, excited, thankful and calm? Or am I anxious, frustrated and judgmental?"

You may find that you yourselves radiate misery to the environment and that part of the negative energy surrounding you is in fact a reflection of yourselves.

3. Don't believe everything you think.

This is definitely one of the hardest things to learn. Look closely at the negative people in your life. What is it about them that gets you going? That affects you so much? Is what they are doing really that bad or is your brain playing games with you?

Remember, the brain is configured to look for trouble, and one it focuses on someone's negative qualities, it'll be very hard to get it to see the positive side of things. It doesn't mean it's not there.

4. Focus.

Ask yourselves: "Am I ready to find the good in these people? Am I able to see their good qualities?"

Let the answers come naturally, make sure you are being honest with yourselves.

If you feel like you're insistent and won't change the way you are looking at people and situations, don't give yourselves a hard time. This takes time and patience, and when you are ready, you'll make this step. Remember, we all have good in us.

"It's so hard when I NEED to do it and so easy when I WANT to do it."
Annie Gottlier.

5. Don't make their problems YOUR problems.

For their sake and yours, make sure you are not adopting their problems and becoming negative about them yourselves. If you want to cure negativity, sliding down right along with the negative person won't help, just make it worse by validating their thought and behavioral patterns. Rather, focus on solutions, not problems. Offer that and nothing else.

6. Taking ownership.

Instead of being a victim and judge, blame and pass criticism, you need to take full responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, and take a different approach.

"Everything that annoys us in others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves." 
Carl Jung.

Don't waste your time obsessing and thinking: "They are ruining my energy, making me miserable, their negative energy is infecting my own..." Instead, say to yourselves: "How can I use this for my advantage? Is there something I'm doing wrong? How can I improve the situation and increase my positive energy to be stronger than their negative energy? What do I learn from all of this?"

7. Come with your own positive energy.

Focusing on negative energy cannot create positive energy, and the other way around is also true. Focus on making yourselves happy enough that you have great positive energy, and you will see the negativity cringing away from it. 

Remember, energy is contagious. 

How to put up positive energy? Focus on the things you like about the negative people, focus on things you love about yourselves, life and the world around you. Think of loved ones, of things that make you happy. That way, you will increase the positive energy exponentially.

If you incur negative energy by thinking about bad things, the opposite is also true, and you'll be able to hopefully 'wake up' your fellow workers. You can't focus on them both at the same time, so choose - happiness or misery.

8. Be part of the change you'd like to see.

The world is no more than a reflection of who we are, deep inside. 

Try to go for a feeling of well-being, to live a positive life, a merry life, that has love, trust, and the pursuit of happiness...

We cannot change others, but only ourselves. This is the only way to change the world. 

Think of it this way: When you are happy, the world seems happy, and the sky is open and blue. When you are sad, the world seems sad as well, and the sky is grey and uncaring, leaving you alone to deal with your pain.

Flow with life events, don't resist them, live in harmony and be the change you wish to see in the world.

"Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Never overestimate your power to change others." - Wayne W. Dyer.

9. Awareness and acceptance

Work on understanding life's inevitable duality - accept the negative with the good.

Don't harp on people's negativity, don't judge or fight them. Let them be, look and accept. Remember, your world is no more real than a reflection of who you are, deep inside.

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of others." |
Carl Jung.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." 

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